The Burglar on the Prowl — Lawrence Block

"Burglary is, I should point out, not a career I would recommend for anyone. The fact that I evidently can't give it up doesn't mean I'm not well aware of the disagreeably sordid nature of what I do."
Bernie Rhodenbarr

A philosophical yet practical gentleman, Bernie Rhodenbarr possesses many admirable qualities: charm, intelligence, sparkling wit, and unwavering loyalty. Of course, he also has this special talent and a taste for life's finer things. So he's more than willing to perform some vengeful larceny for a friend--ripping off a smarmy, particularly deserving plastic surgeon--for fun and a very tidy profit.

But during a practice run at another address, Bernie's forced to hide under a bed when the lady of the house returns unexpectedly with the worst kind of blind date in tow. In no time, Bernie's up to his burgling neck in big trouble. Again. And this time it includes his arrest, no less than four murders, and more outrageous coincidences than any self-preserving felon should ever be required to tie together.