A Door I'll Never Enter — H.C. Turk

THESE ENTITIES:
•A man whose smile can stop the sun.
•A woman who is Mother To All.
•A guide sent to bring them together.

ARE ALSO:
•A man created to destroy Earth.
•A woman hired to bear his assassin.
•An automaton sent to ensure their success.

BUT APPEAR TO BE:
•A man who never returns shopping carts.
•A woman with a bad job on a worse vacation.
•One of the Little People.

COMING TOGETHER, THEY TRAVEL TO:
•A farm where interstellar comets are grown.
•A sunken ship being raised to the surface of time.
•The core of Hell, where the torture is tickling.

THEIR GOAL IS TO:
•Write a shopping list that makes sense.
•Fix her broken fingernail.
•Find a hidden pot of watermelons.

THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS ARE:
•Giving a face to ultimate doom.
•Finally getting a call through to Luna.
•Bonding with fruit.

A cross-genre literary novel of contemporary fantasy, magic realism, and jaw-dropping hilarity, A DOOR I'LL NEVER ENTER follows the adventures of Bill, Jane, Dan, and their interstellar comet (disguised as a watermelon) as they travel from kitchen sink to cannibal canoe in search of a Leprechaun's pot of FAIL. Finding friendship on the way, they learn that failure might be best when the goal is ultimate destruction.