P.S. Never in a Million Years — J.S. Cooper

To My New Boss, You are an asshole. Maybe I'd even call you a boss hole. We've never even officially met because you're worried all of your lower assistants will fall for you and make a pass. You sent your executive assistant to give me a list of to-do's that were so basic I thought I was in preschool. And let's not talk about your never-do's. You can only wish I would make a pass. You would be so lucky as to even catch a glimpse of my fine ass. In fact, why don't you kiss it instead? Jerk. Also, I'm not taking a vocabulary or algebra test. Just because you're the CEO doesn't give you the right to be pompous and arrogant. And frankly, I saw that photo of you in the newspaper last year; are you cousins with the yeti? Not a good look. You can keep your $25 an hour. My self-respect is worth more than that. And no, I'm not interested in any of your other offers. Marcia I have self-respect Lucas P.S. Never in a Million Years I'm not crazy—I never intended to actually send the email. It was just a draft email I wrote to vent. I needed the paycheck way too much to go off on my boss. Only when I went into the office the next day, there was a note on my desk. It read, Got your email. A million years is up. See me in my office. Your boss, Finn 'The Yeti' Winchester. My dad was right: my mouth would eventually get me into trouble. Only he had no idea just how bad the trouble was going to be.