Keeping the Secret — R.M. Johnson

Chapter 1 Excerpt
Lauren stood beside Sebastian, holding his arm, steadying him as they walked slowly into the office of the free clinic counselor.
Sebastian felt his head spinning as Lauren lowered him into one of the two chairs sitting before the office desk.
“You okay?” She said, softly.
Her voice sounded as though it came from miles away.
Sebastian nodded, at least he thought he did, and tried to smile. His eyes were glazed over. Fuzzy images of posters with black boys on them, couples hugging one another, smiles on their faces, hung on the walls. “Know for the one you love,” one of them read. “Test for life,” another suggested.
Sebastian wiped a hand across his cheek. He felt a tear cling to his fingertips. He couldn't believe he was there. He shut his eyes against the posters on the wall, and the Latina woman sitting behind her desk with the folder of his test results. He was thankful for Lauren being there. She was his best friend in the world, who he knew would probably take the potential death sentence for him if she could.
His mind momentarily focused on that day when he was lying face down on the bed of that Red Roof Inn motel room. He was drunk off cheap wine, but drunker off the love he thought he felt for Roshawn. It was a love he had been looking so long for. Roshawn was beautiful, chocolate and mysterious. He was a gorgeous boy, with full lips and a beautiful smile. Sebastian was smitten from their first meeting, even though Roshawn had only told Sebastian enough about him to keep him wanting to know more. Sebastian believed he had fallen in love over the short period they hung out. So when he felt Roshawn's warm, lean, bare body lay on his back, it brought a smile to Sebastian's face.
He had told Roshawn more than once that he had wanted to wait -- he wanted to fall in love before he lost his virginity.
Roshawn whispered something about wanting him, his breath warm and moist in Sebastian's ear.
Sebastian believed he asked him if he had protection. It was something that he knew he should've always asked, knew gay boys of all ages were taking delivery of “the package” left and right, and Sebastian told himself that would never happen to him.
Roshawn said he didn't have any protection, but that he was good.
He was good, which meant that he had no diseases. He was clean. Disease-free. Not a threat. Healthy as a f***ing horse, and Sebastian had nothing to worry about. That was what Sebastian believed Roshawn said. No! That was exactly what he said, and Sebastian believed him. Sebastian took Roshawn's word, and because he was pissy-drunk and in love, Sebastian closed his eyes, gritted his teeth and screamed into the pillow as Roshawn tore his virginity from him.

“Sebastian, Sebastian, did you hear her?” Lauren said.
Sebastian opened his eyes as if awakening, felt Lauren's warm hand on his.
“Miss Alvarez was talking to you.”
“Oh, okay,” Sebastian said, setting his eyes on the light-brown-skinned woman. She was beautiful. Her hair was long and she looked young, maybe in her mid-twenties. She probably had a boyfriend she made love to like normal people. If Sebastian was straight, he would've had a woman like her one day, and at that moment, being gay made him angrier than he had ever been in his life.
“We have your results, Sebastian,” Miss Alvarez said.
Sebastian felt Lauren's grip tighten around his hand. She had moved her chair very close to his. She was leaning up against his side, almost in the same chair with him, but still it felt like he was standing alone on an island somewhere.
“Yeah, okay,” Sebastian said, barely able to speak past the huge, dry lump in his throat.
Miss Alvarez stared Sebastian directly in the eyes after looking down at the page in the folder to confirm his results, then said, “Sebastian, your test results came back positive for HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. I'm sorry.”