How to Write a Masterpiece — Ian Smith

Nobody believes he is better qualified to assist the aspiring author than Desmond Wilde. Drawing on his past experience of over three decades of work, he offers tips, encouragement, inspiration and an insight in to the world of professional publishing as we see him bring his own latest work to a conclusion.

However, what begins as self-help is soon interrupted by a series of personal events: he recounts how he finds the title for his own novel; we witness his increasingly fractious relationship with his one and only pupil, Wolfy; we meet his lascivious cleaner and his clueless financial adviser. The more of his friends and acquaintances we meet the more it becomes clear that each, in their own way, is a disastrous impediment to Desmond's own career and the prospect of him finishing his own novel.

There is something familiar about these characters, too. The stationery shop owner, sustained on a diet of neat gin, reminds the reader of Krook from Bleak house. His friend the Doctor is straight out of Cannery Row and his agent, who has something of the devil about him, reminds us of Martin from Hogg's Confessions of a Justified Sinner.

As deadlines loom and events conspire against him Desmond's world spirals out of control. Hungry, penniless, arrested for a murder he committed within the pages of his own novel he nonetheless continues resolutely, offering his readers what practical advice he can from the confines of his police cell.

Behind the scenes Martin, his agent, is bent on destruction. Determined to obliterate Desmond's novel (and perhaps even Desmond himself) he works tirelessly to impede and humiliate at every turn. When Desmond is unable to present a finished manuscript Martin takes dark delight in revealing the consequences; there will be no publisher. Desmond's response is characteristically heroic.

Exploring the highs and lows of the creative process and what is required to complete a novel, this book will appeal to anyone who has attempted to write their own.