Alright, alright, alright.
Women say I sound just like Matthew McConaughey.
And owning half of Texas, life can't get any better.
Until my inheritance is threatened by my b*tch of a half-sister.
Well sugar, that sh*t ain't happenin'!
The only way to stop her is to get married.
It's in my parents' will.
Fortunately, I know just the candidate â€" Amanda.
She lights me up as bright as the Dallas sky.
All I can think of is her riding me cowgirl while wearing my Stetson.
But there's more to it.
She's actually making my playboy @ss consider settling down.
I'll do everything in my power to win her over.
Including something I have never done before, introduce her to my son...
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