Grave Apparel — Ellen Byerrum

Home of the helmet hairdo and congressional comb-over, Washington, D.C., is a hotbed of fashion faux pas. If anyone should know, its "Crimes of Fashion" columnist Lacey Smithsonian. She dishes out advice to the scandal-scorched and clothing-clueless, doing her part to change this town--one fashion victim at a time....

SWEATERGATE

The Eye Street Oberserver's resident sourpuss, Cassandra Wentworth, made enemies with her editorial skewering of tacky holiday sweaters. Cassandra wouldn't be caught dead in a red-and-green cardigan, yet Lacey finds the woman bleeding and unconscious wearing an acrylic number that practically sings "Deck the Halls." A homeless child who witnessed the assault mysteriously disappears and could be the attacker's next victim. When suspicion falls on the Eye's food editor, Lacey is torn between two coworkers. Or is someone trying to pull the wool over her eyes? It's a case that only the ever-fashionable Lacey can unravel....

LACEY'S FASHION TIP OF THE DAY
Tweed on the beach, flip-flops in the snow? It can mean only one thing: You're a victim of Seasonal Apparel Disorder. Consult your mirror. Call your stylist. Get help now.