Dial 'M' for Mascara — C.L. Bevill

Mary Grace Castilla is a diehard shopaholic from Dallas, Texas. She's got big problems. Someone has been trying to kill her and she hasn't got a clue as to why. A mostly all around good girl, she tithes to the church on time, she never shops in the eight items or less line with more than eight items, and she never mixes silk with cotton or misses a sale for more than 50% off. Regardless, the brake lines in her car were cut causing an eighteen wheeler massacre. Her rental car was blown to little, itty-bitty pieces and casualties included her oleanders and a neighbor's pet poodle's tail. Finally, someone tried to shoot her as she left her work. Fortuitously, she was saved when she dropped an expensive container of mascara and missed the bullet while reaching for the errant makeup. Suspects are dropping out of the woodwork like termites in New Orleans. Her boss, Jack Covington, seems a little too preoccupied with Mary Grace's anatomy, particularly in her well-formed chumbawumbas. Her coworker, Trey Kennebrew, seems a little too interested in Mary Grace's shopping habits and how she happens to feel at the moment. A local business owner, Lolita Lewis, just plain seems a little weird. Then there's the strange blonde haired woman who carries an adorable baby around in a sling. The woman calls herself Deep Throat and pops up at odd times to warn Mary Grace of impending danger. As if life isn't abnormal enough, a virile and hunky detective, Frederick Brogan, is on the case. Despite his obvious interest in Mary Grace and her hooters, he thinks she is a) a flake, b) a criminal, or c) all of the above and something else he can't define. Mary Grace doesn't think much of the comparison but since he's a bona fide hottie and he's feeling a little guilty because initially he didn't believe her, she's willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. In the meantime, she's rip-roaring ready to do some investigative work on her own in order to find the bad guy or girl before they succeed in their ruthless mission and before they ruin any more of her high end shoes. Teaming up with her rabidly Catholic mother who wants her to instantly bear grandchildren, her smart mouthed friend who has a sixth sense for whether Mary Grace is getting any action or not, gregarious gay winery owners who don't have a clue, and Deep Throat Mommy who knows something but isn't saying anything important, Mary Grace is on a tear for the truth. God help the malls until she manages to unravel the mystery.