Marching Bands Are Just Homeless Orchestras — Tim Siedell

From back cover of print edition:
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If you're looking for glass-half-full affirmations, you're in luck. The bookstore or library is half full of that kind of crap. What you're holding here is a collection of quips and observations with a refreshingly gloomy, sometimes twisted, always funny take on life. Or lack thereof.
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With illustrations by renowned artist Brian Andreas, this book is a glimpse inside the humorously askew mind of a writer whose witticisms have been featured on NPR, printed onto t-shirts, performed on stage in Germany, and posted online at the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, and New York Times. He's been named one of the top ten funniest people on Twitter by the likes of Maxim, MSNBC, and Mashable.
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"Tim Siedell clearly has no life, but he's extremely funny while not having one." Rob Reiner; Actor, Director, Writer, Producer