Night of the Avenging Blowfish — John Welter

The hilarious tale of a Secret Service agent's professional and romantic misadventures, by the author of Begin to Exit Here.
 
At heart, Doyle Coldiron is just a lovesick guy who happens to have a submachine gun under his blue blazer. Working for the Secret Service, it's his job to protect the president -- but after a disgruntled White House chef decides to serve Spam at a state dinner, Doyle fails to throw himself in front of the wretched luncheon meat, and gets demoted.
 
What's really got Doyle down, though, is his unrequited passion for the president's already-married secretary. To console himself, he plans covert games of “spookball” against the CIA, and drowns his sorrows at a Washington bar. However, his chance for redemption just may arise as he confronts a series of events involving terrorists, animal rights activists, a Stealth kite, and a tipsy ambassador who plays Cole Porter tunes . . .
 
From John Welter -- described by Joseph Heller, author of Catch-22, as “among the wittiest American novelists writing today” -- this is a rollicking look at life, love, and lunacy behind the scenes in DC.
 
“Welter retains firm control of the true story in his novel: one man's search for love in the '90s. Doyle's quest for romantic and spiritual love is bittersweet, surprisingly poignant, and, guided by Welter's sure hand, always emotionally true. Sometimes silly and frequently downright strange, this novel is full of insights into modern love that sneak up on the reader amid a lot of pleasantly off-kilter zaniness, making Night of the Avenging Blowfish a fun and satisfying read.” -- Kirkus Reviews