The Automobile — George Fitch

AUTOMOBILE RULES FOR PEDESTRIANS In a very clever little sketch, called The Automobile, by George Fitch, that originally appeared in Collier's, the following rules occurred. One can hardly fail to appreciate their humor. Rule One.-Pedestrians crossing boulevards at night shall wear a white light in front and a red light in the rear. Rule Two.-Before turning to the right or left they shall give three short blasts on a horn at least three inches in diameter. Rule Three.-When an inexperienced automobile driver is made nervous by a pedestrian, he shall indicate the same, and the pedestrian shall hide behind a tree until the automobile tires. '. Rule Four.-Pedestrians shall not carry in their pockets any sharp substances which are liable to cut automobile tires. Rule Five.-In dodging automobiles, pedestrians shall not run more than seven miles an hour. Rule Six.-Pedestrians must register at the beginning of each year and pay a license fee of $5 for the privilege of living. There shall be no rebate if they do not live through the entire year. Rule Seven.-Pedestrians will not be allowed to emit cigarette smoke on any boulevard in an offensive or unnecessary manner. Rule Eight.-Each pedestrian before receiving his license to walk upon a boulevard must demonstrate before an examining board his skill in dodging, leaping, crawling, and extricating himself from machinery. Rule Nine.-Pedestrians will be held responsible for all damages done to automobiles or their occupants by collision.