Skeleton in the Closet — Kevin J. Anderson

The Princess Bride meets Dirty, Rotten Scoundrels Join former scamp Cullin and his merry band of confidence men (and one liberated princess) as they put The Sting in the Middle Ages. With dreams of being a hero, or at least a storyteller, Cullin travels with Sir Dalbry, a washed-up knight in shining armor; Reeger, ready and eager for any part of the dirty work; and Affonyl, former princess, who wanted to study science and alchemy, rather than embroidery. Together, they cross the land with one scam after another, concocting their own heroic deeds, preparing mock dragon heads, or selling kraken tusks and mermaid scales. But when attempting to con King Longjohn, whose castle is supposedly bursting at the seams with treasure, the caper turns sour. The powerful Wizard-Mage Ugnarok and his army of ugly and muscular (if not too bright) orcs takes over Longjohn's castle, imprisoning the king, pillaging the halls, and carrying on with typical orc-like mayhem. Cullin and his friends are trapped in the castle's labyrinth of secret passages, just trying to survive ... or is this the opportunity for a grander scam than they have ever attempted before? Orcs are terribly superstitious—you can't bash a ghost, after all—and it's like Die Hard in a castle, as Cullin, Affonyl, Reeger, and Dalbry set up a grand haunting that will scare off even the scariest orc army.