Dick Danks--The Collected Stories — Harris Tobias

The name's Danks, Dick Danks and if you think my name
is amusing then you and I have nothing more to say. A man's
got no more control over what his parent's name him than he
does over the weather. Danks is a proud old name in Scotland
or somewhere and I have nothing to make excuses for.

I'm a private eye. Most days I sit like a spider in its
web waiting for the phone to ring. I wait for someone to hire
me to investigate something for them. It gives me lots of time
to think. Mostly I think about what a mess I've made of my
life, how I'm going to pay the rent, and what's for lunch. Not
necessarily in that order.

From The Case of The Bisected Body