Cemetery City — Walter Knight

The United States Galactic Federation's ‘gold rush' for rare metals used in advanced technology is about to begin on Planet New Colorado at a remote area in the desert known as Blue Rock Valley. The only problem: Blue Rock Valley is located north of the DMZ, on the Arthropodan Empire's side. However, Colonel Manny Lopez has a plan for that â€" claim-jumping with the help of a couple hundred dead legionnaires, including Private Camacho. But Major Joey R. Czerinski is the weak link in this chain of misappropriation. If anyone can screw things up, it's Czerinski â€" or so Lopez believes. Progress quickly moves to Blue Rock Valley, and native Blue Lizards suddenly land on the Endangered Species list, despite becoming a tasty addition to Taco Bell's menu. In the midst of things, spider legionnaire John Iwo Jima Wayne makes a love connection that could prove to be deadly. The spider commander, already upset that the Legion has moved in on Arthropodan territory, decides to fight back, and Colonel Lopez gets caught in the crossfire. Eventually the truth about Blue Rock is exposed, and the tables turn temporarily for Lopez, earning him a little dose of Czerinski-flavored payback. But Lopez soon makes a comeback and sends a jolt of dread to Czerinski and his loyal legionnaires. Private Knight writes himself into a corner and gets busted for it. All in all, Czerinski doesn't have to lift a finger, because things go horribly, laughably wrong, despite his rare lack of bumbling interference in this eleventh installment of the seriously screwy military space saga.