Asinine Assassins — Matt Hilton

HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL SUSPENSE AND MYSTERY STORIESThink Peter Sellers as Inspector Clouseau with Don Knotts and Tim Conway from the Apple Dumpling Gang mixing with John Travolta as Vincent Vega along with a gang of murderous otters and that's just a portion of what you'll find. asinine [as-i-nine] adjective1: extremely or utterly foolish or silly2: of, relating to, or resembling an ass Synonyms: absurd, balmy, brainless, bubbleheaded, cockeyed, crackpot, crazy, cuckoo, daffy, daft, dippy, dotty, fatuous, feather-headed, fool, foolish, half-baked, half-witted, harebrained, inept, insane, jerky, kooky, loony, lunatic, lunkheaded, mad, nonsensical, nutty, preposterous, sappy, screwball, senseless, silly, simpleminded, stupid, tomfool, unwise, wacky, weak-minded, witlessCRIME FICTION WITH A DIFFERENCEEach of the 24 stories in the Asinine Assassins anthology involves a character (e.g., assassin, contract killer, hitman) with the above synonyms in mind. Asinine Assassins is an anthology of stories about inept, brainless, ridiculous hired guns, assassins, and murderers. Be ready for plenty of humor, action, suspense, and mystery. Black humor. Bizarre incidents, Surreal situations. Some stories are gritty, some grisly, but all are entertaining. The first two books in the 'Assassins' anthology series, Uncommon Assassins and Insidious Assassins were well-received and reviewed. Most readers enjoyed the diversity of genres and styles in these books, and Asinine Assassins continued that diversity with the new anthology. This time, however, the stories focused on incompetent and lunatic characters-with a dash of dark humor flavoring the suspense. This is NOT your typical crime fiction. If you love a wonderful blend of mystery, suspense, noir, humor, and general weirdness, expect to be surprised and entertained!THE STORIESRip Ho, Jaspers -- Ricky SpragueDumbass -- F.J. TalleyThere's One for You, Nineteen for Me -- Carson BuckinghamUpchuck Chuck -- Bruce HarrisDirty Pool -- Chris BauerMr. Benedict's Wild Ride -- Robin Hill-Page GlandenPayback: With Interest -- Matt HiltonShooting Fish -- James DorrJug Handles -- Albert TucherShort-Order Crook -- J. Gregory SmithBlood in the Urine -- Martin ZeiglerJust Call Wally -- Wil A. EmersonAiding and Abetting -- Adrian LudensLizards and Other Varmints -- Shari HeldKiller Fashion -- Maddi DavidsonAngling -- Ben GamblinSmall Claws, Small Guns -- Jezzy WolfeThe Butcher -- Robert PetyoThe Adventure of the Asinine Assassin -- Rick HudsonThe Last Hit -- Eldon LitchfieldKillings 4 Sale -- Blair KeetchThe Third Date Rule -- Jeff MarkowitzOne Good Thing -- Kevin P. ThorntonDeerman -- Weldon Burge