Almost Night: A Twilight Parody — Jacob Wallace

Stella Mallard is content to live out her boring life on Imperial Colony Gamma 3. However, her mother wants to open a brothel, so the seventeen year old minor must move to live with her father in Spoon City of Imperial Colony Tau 4. There is Nothing interesting about her, certainly not enough to inspire boners in an undead monster, a nature loving beast, and a horny Vampire Hunter. Or she wouldn't be interesting if it were not for the magic potion her mother gave her before she left. Now all the boys want her and the girls hate her. OK, some of the girls want her too. There she meets up with Bocaj, an old childhood friend who has become a bad boy. Nothing sexier in Stella's eyes than a bad boy who doesn't follow the rules. She also meets a luscious female satyr Vampire Hunter that saves her life twice. Sexiest of all is the beautiful but bizarre Ed Skullin. When she witnesses the beautiful Ed Skullin biting rats, blocking a van with his bare hand, and skipping school on the one day with no overcast, Stella suspects something is up. Will she lose the love of Bocaj? That may be the least of her problems, though it will remain her highest priority, when she finds vampires turning themselves into crystal-skinned abominations, and herself in the middle of the apocalypse.